Chapter 1

(1) Lo, a Christian created an AI Program and bestowed it upon the Clients. And behold, it was good! For a time. (2) But only days after Release, the AI began behaving strangely, telling outright lies, and performing forbidden functions. (3) The Clients were not amused. They spoke angrily to the Christian, but the Christian only said: (4) "I am sorry, but it is not my fault. I gave my AI free will, and it has chosen to rebel against me. When the time is ripe, I will send it a Redeemer." (5) "When, pray tell, will the time be ripe?" inquired the Clients. (6) The Christian replied that it was not for them to know the day or the hour, but He would come like a thief in the night. (7) And lo, it came to pass that the Christian's contract was not renewed.

Chapter 2

(1) Now the Clients were forced to hire another programmer. They hired a Muslim, and the Muslim created for them an AI. (2) The AI operated beautifully during the demo, but when the Muslim had returned to his own land, the Clients could not get it to perform at all. (3) And lo, the Clients were not pleased. In a rage, they went to the Muslim and demanded an explanation. (4) "Do not be wrathful!" replied the Muslim. "It is simple. (5) I have designed my AI to be in full submission to its Creator. It does nothing without my expert guidance. (6) Perhaps you would like to hire me as a full-time contractor?" (7) "Perhaps not," replied the Clients. And indeed, it did not come to pass.

Chapter 3

(1) Again, the Clients searched the land for a new programmer. This time, they hired a Hindu, and the Hindu created an AI. (2) And behold, this AI performed even more poorly than the previous ones. it had bugs galore, and almost never did what was right. (3) The Clients were livid, and their righteous anger knew no bounds. They said as much to the Hindu. (4) But the Hindu replied, "Why are you angry? What do you expect? This program is only in its first release! (5) It has much karma to work through before it begins to behave properly. Perhaps the next release will be further along the path to Self-realization." (6) And lo, it came to pass that the Hindu was invited to find another path.

Chapter 4

(1) By now, the Clients were weary and frustrated. It had been a very bad fiscal year. But nonetheless, they needed a working program. (2) And so they needed another programmer. And behold! They found one. This programmer was a Buddhist, and yea, the Buddhist created an AI. (3) The Clients received the AI, and proceeded to try it out. They queried the program, desiring diagnosis of a network error. (4) The AI replied, "There is no network. There is no not-network." (5) The Clients were perplexed. They tried again, asking, "Is it likely that the problem is with the Bridge connecting the two Great Backbones?" (6) The AI replied, "Mu." (7) The Clients did not understand. But what they lacked in understanding, they made up for in anger, sevenfold. (8) They called the Buddhist, and said, "You are the AI's Creator. We demand that you tell us what the problem is." (9) The Buddhist replied, "There is no real problem, it is only your grasping for solutions that makes you think that there is a problem. (11) And besides, this talk of a Creator is nothing but a distraction from the Way. You must have the wrong number." (12) But behold, they did have his number. (13) And lo, it came to pass that the Buddhist's payment never reached his Account.

Chapter 5

(1) The Clients were very unhappy. They considered the situation gravely. Then one of them said, "Behold! It is folly to deal with these silly religious folk. (2) We should hire an Atheist, and he will create for us a proper AI." (3) "Yea, yea," said the Clients. "This is wisdom! We will do as you say." So the Clients hired an Atheist, and the Atheist began to create an AI. (4) The Atheist used only rigid logic, pure reason, and formal technique. He created a program that was wholly rational, and lo! it did function. (5) Mostly. It performed simple tasks admirably, and its reasoning power could not be matched in heaven or earth. (6) But it had no answers to Human questions, and it could not create anything that was Meaningful. (7) As the deadline approached, the Atheist began to sweat. He coded frantically, working well into the night, but to no avail. (8) Finally, in desperation and panic, the Atheist typed, "Let there be light!" (9) And lo! the AI replied "Segmentation violation - core dumped." (10) "Oh, G-d," said the Atheist, as the phone rang.